Life with Cesilia

 Before I moved to a different state my father said "ahora si me voy a morir porque quien me va a llevar al hospital'. That sentence translates to "I am going to die now because who is going to take me to the hospital ". At that moment that I heard him say that I laughed about it and said "dad you can just call 911". His statement just really caught me off guard that I processed it afterward and I couldn't help but cry for a couple of days. The feeling of guilt that still creeps up on me from time to time still lingers. That was my dad way of showing his emotions and what he thought to the fact that I am leaving them. From another person perspective what he told me is not okay. Why would my father tell me such a strong statement knowing he has 6 other kids that will do anything for him.  He will never know the damage he did by telling me those words. He ruined my happiness that I could've had  in this new state with my fiancé. I do forgive my dad fo...

Everyone says that you won't fully know your significant other until you live together and they are correct. Arguments when you don't live together to when you live in the same household are different. When a couple argues in their household there's always the possibility that it will turn physical. This was my fear when I moved in with my fiancé since he is the only person I know in this state. If my fiancé were to hit me I would feel stuck because I wouldn't have my family to rescue me. When my fiancé and I started to have our first arguments I was scared he was going to turn abusive. Part of me knew my fiancé would never put his hands on me but there was a small amount of doubt in my mind. I've come to learn that my fiancé will never put his hands on me. Even when we have disagreements he is respectful towards me and always so gentle with my feelings. My fiancé and I have a lot more years ahead of us but I get peace in mind knowing that he loves me way more than ...

Woman. Hispanic. First Generation. All of the words that define me as well as place a restriction on what I can be.  Ever since I was little I knew I was different. I just felt that life was more than getting married at a young age and having a family to which there is nothing wrong with that if a women decides that is what she wants. I just liked the idea of independence, the idea of exploring who I am outside of a traditional Mexican woman. As a first generation, the idea of getting my bachelors degree was always my dream as a way to make my parents proud and show them that their sacrifices in this country was worth it.  As a Hispanic woman we learn from a young age that in order to be liked and taken into acquaintance for a man to marry us, we have to be submissive to them. We also have to less smart of a man and let them feel that they are above us, the macho alpha life. That way of thinking always bothered me because we are more than being submissive. We should be encoura...

 There's people in this world that as they grow up they just know they are going to move to a different state. I wasn't one of them. I really love my state of Texas and moving away never crossed my mind but when I met my fiancé I knew it was bound to happen since he had started his business. Financially it just made more sense to move to him since we were going to make more money here than back in the state of Texas. Of course when we are in love we don't care about anything else as long as we are with the person that makes us happy. That is how I felt too, I Just wanted to be with my fiancé all the time that I was excited. The reality is, I miss my family and Texas. Don't get me wrong, I love being with my fiancé but everything is so different. I love the culture that Texas brings and especially the food. I went from being around of different cultures predominantly Hispanic to a lot of white people and that's a big culture shock. I'm learning to enjoy my new lo...

Overwhelmed Emotions. Those are the words that come in my mind on why I decided to start blogging, When I moved across the country with my fiancé something in my heart told me to make a blog. Its quite ironic to me that something inside me was telling me to do this as I am not an English major nor know anyone that has a blog. When this idea of becoming a blogger came into mind, I didn't even know where to start or who to ask. I just knew I wanted somewhere to share my thoughts and emotions without having people that know me personally ask me if I'm okay. Not all my emotions are bad, there are happy and romantic moments that I want to share. As the rest of the world of course, I have social media but it has become so superficial that it is pointless to share anything else that is not this perfect and happy lifestyle.  Thank you in advance for reading my posts as they are from a normal girl who is sharing her thoughts and emotions with the world. 

My first post, and the famous question "so tell me about yourself?" This is a hard one to answer because my whole existence gets questioned and the feeling of judgment from others comes after. My name is Cesilia and I am a women trying to find herself as a first generation Hispanic that decided to move across the country with her fiancé. I think that is the simplest way that I can explain who I am without exploiting myself into being a perfect person. It's so easy for me to say that I am friendly, outgoing, open-minded, responsible and hardworking but what is the fun in that if  there's more to me than those adjectives. I am an orthodox Hispanic trying to find a herself  in a world of judgement.